so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
