I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
