Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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