Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
