I have demons in me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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