Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
