But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
