im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
