U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
