This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Two words: nipple clamps
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