I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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