ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
