if i can run in heels then i can drive
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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