I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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