I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
