Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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(513): View more from Ohio

some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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(507): View more from Minnesota

So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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(847): View more from Illinois

So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.

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(650): View more from California

its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night

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