I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
