i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
