nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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