she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You pole danced in your parka.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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