She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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