a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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