oh god the rape fog is back!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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