You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize