I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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