Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
