Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
