Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
