i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
