During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
