There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
try to milk me bitch
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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