I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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