I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I understand Curling. That high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
