I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
