Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The uberlube is also flammable
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
