I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
