Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize