I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
