I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
