i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
