i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
