It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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