you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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