Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
