yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I could make wine with my vomit
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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