My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
