Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I need help removing her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
