dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
