They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
