Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
