He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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