One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
