He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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