also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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