i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
BRING THE BAGELS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
