from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
