my mouth tastes like poor choices
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
