Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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