I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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