just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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