Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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