he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
