Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
are you so shy because you have an std?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am midnight drunk by noon
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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