Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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