You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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