Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
