I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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