Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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