you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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