dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
