I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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