Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
