I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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