I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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