Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
