i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
