i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
