Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
