Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
