I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
