Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
