Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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