Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
