when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
