is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
